Hypothetical Religious Conversation

Lady and Pamphlets (LaP):  Excuse me, do you believe in God?

Me (Me):  I think you're asking the wrong question.

LaP:  There's only one question.

Me:  Yes.  And that is, "What DO you believe in?"  If I say "God," well, you get the answer you want, and have found a new comrade in arms.  If I say no...

LaP:  ...Then you should take one of these pamphlets.

Me:  No thanks.  Ask the question.

LaP:  OK.  I'll play for a little while.  What do you believe in?

Me:  I believe that I have just tricked you.  We've just managed to peel back an inaccuracy from reality like the skin from an onion.  And lo and behold, there is another layer underneath.  Belief is complicated.

LaP:  oh fuck.

Me:  For example, if I say, I believe in God, what does that mean?  Do I think God is a real, physical entity?  Do I take the Bible word for word?  Are God and Heaven just nebulous forces working the universe like the motor of a vast cosmic machine?  The question (and the quest behind the question) is, "What and Where is God?"

LaP:  God is real, and he's in heaven, and he knows and sees all.

Me:  And Satan is in hell with a legion of demons, tempting mankind.  Yes, I've heard that before, and you can find any number of people who disagree.  I'm one of them.  No.  The one place in the entire universe (not counting the theory of multiple universes) where Gods and Demons inarguably exist is the human mind.

LaP:  Well if you read this pamphlet...

Me:  ...I will be reading interpretations of interpretations of interpretations of possibly holy events that no one alive can remember, and may possibly not even be true.  However, I take it that you think they are true.  Therefore they DO exist, in your mind.  When one can no longer distinguish between the mind and the physical world, one is either insane, or on drugs, not that either of those are a bad thing.

LaP:  I am not on drugs, and I am not crazy!

Me:  I never said you were.  My head personally is swimming with gods and demons, and they affect what I do, being an inherent part of psyche.  But the effect this has on religion...Well, you have to peel back another layer of the onion, you have to question the question to reveal the truth beneath the truth.

LaP:  What the hell are you talking about?

Me:  I mean, when speaking of religion, you can refine the question of, "What do you believe in," to "Do you believe in your own imagination?"  In other words, Is a belief real?

LaP:  What?

Me:  Is a thought of a unicorn a real thought?  Is your idea of Atlantis before it sank different from the idea of your memory of what Atlantis looked like after you imagined it sank?  How is your idea of God different from what God really is?  Can you prove it?

LaP:

Me:  Keep your pamphlet.  Recycle it, and have a nice day.